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Most people think questions like If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? to be dinner party fare.  I happen to believe they’re also valuable introspection tools when used in a quiet, private space like the shower.

My first thought was to change something big: erase that first painful marriage or pursue a degree in english/creative writing instead of science.  I mean, if  you’re going to go to all the trouble of time travel, shouldn’t it be worth it?  But changing something that big would fundamentally alter who I am today–something I have no desire to do.

However, there are some little things I would alter.  Like the time in kindergarten when I stole some newspapers from the boy up the street.  When my mother confronted me on it (she got suspicious after I brought her three identical papers in the space of about 15 minutes) and sent me to my room as punishment, I told her I hated her.  No doubt my mother knew I didn’t mean it, but being a mother today means I know full well how much it must have stung.

Or I would have spared our cat Yersinia from cancer surgery, knowing it would return months later with a vengeance.  The days she hobbled around with shaved fur and staples running from her rump to her neck now seem more cruel than kind.

It’s not that answering the big questions right doesn’t matter.  I just don’t have any regrets over those decisions.  The painful, uncomfortable moments I experienced clearly educated me and improved my later life. 

But what about the little things?  It’s hard to measure their impact, because by and large their significance isn’t apparent at the time.   This leaves an opening for regret, something I hadn’t anticipated before attempting to answer the seemingly innocuous question.

This isn’t a dinner party, but maybe you need something to think about in the shower.  If you could go back in time, what would you change?

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8 Responses to Time Travel and Regret

    • On
    • February 28, 2010 at 4:49 pm
    • Jan
    • Said...

    I am enjoying your blog so very much!!!! I find I am rushing to the computer when I get home from work each day. You certainly have a talent for writing Jen. Looking forward to your first book!!! Much Love, Jan

    • On
    • February 28, 2010 at 5:21 pm
    • mary ann
    • Said...

    Loved this contribution…. If you want to learn more about true time control technology (and the actual potential scientific probababilty of time travel) check out Dr. David Anderson : AndersonInstute.com

    As a poet and scientist – you will love this site and relish his findings… If you think that the only 2 things that cannot be changed are time and tide…. think again…..

    Happy Trails! -ma

    • On
    • February 28, 2010 at 8:00 pm
    • Michael Delizia
    • Said...

    Very insightful, Jen. The biggest things can’t be changed, simply because they are so big. Who would you be without those experiences?

    But I wonder about even the small changes – sparing Yersinia from her surgery, for example. Wouldn’t you have wondered forever after if you’d done the right thing? And passing a novel course (Tristram Shandy, The Catcher in the Rye, Moby-Dick, The Go-Between, Huckleberry Finn) without finishing Moby-Dick because I got distracted by Nabokov’s Pale Fire, which had just been published – was that such a bad thing? For one thing, the guilt I have felt for almost 50 years has kept me on the straight and narrow. I wouldn’t trade that for an honest A. In the second place, I never would have understood Moby-Dick at that age. Better to wait. ;)

  4. Jan- As always, you know just the thing to say to keep me encouraged and beaming. Thank you for all you bring to my life!

    Mary Ann- I did check out the site, although I couldn’t find an awful lot of details on the theory, only the proposition that time travel isn’t ruled out by math and physics. More interesting of course are the ethical considerations, which I address here. I have to admit I think I have talked myself out of trip! Thank you for posting!

    Jen

  5. Michael-

    Of course, the benefit of time travel is the hindsight it brings to your actions. That is, at the time we made the decision about Yersinia, we had no idea if the surgery would be successful or not. Going back in time, I’d have the benefit of knowing the answer was no. But still, you raise a good point. If I’m not willing to go back in time and erase my own suffering, what in the world makes me think I should go back to erase someone elses?! And yes, I’m very glad you got distracted by Nabakov. It’s clear been to your betterment. LOL

    THANK YOU!
    Jen

    • On
    • February 28, 2010 at 10:30 pm
    • Kate
    • Said...

    Ahhh. Somehow the shower does it every time, doesn’t it? It gives you just that one moment of peace in the day, only to be interrupted by true THOUGHT! Yes I have had these regret conversations in the shower. To be sure, I have also come to the conclusion that the big things just aren’t changeable. But I haven’t ever thought of changing events, rather my interactions with other people. Like the fact that I’d really like to tell Pete Jenness that I’m sorry I was a jerk and thanks for everything he did. Or to apologize to Beth for making a mean and out-of-character remark (that she probably/hopefully doesn’t know about)at her wedding because I was in just an awful mental place. I know plenty of people who would say: “what do you care, you’ll never see them again. It’s water under the bridge.” But doesn’t it say something about me that I care enough to think about it occasionally? I like to think that a callous or alloof person would simply move on, but I use that regret a little bit to center my heart. Of course, one shouldn’t dwell to the point of complete heartache, but I like to think those little “regretful” moments have helped me grow (and learn)as much as the big ones.

    Kate

    • Exactly, Kate. You use those moments to “center your heart.” I like that. And I agree that sometimes, it’s the little moments that teach us the most.

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