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An Everyday Bright reader asked me to address a specific topic: appearances.  It all started with me talking about how I’m occasionally bugged I haven’t achieved the athestic I want for the blog, despite my promise to focus on content for the site.  Then, as I thought about the topic some more, I realized there was a lot more underlying the idea of appearances that needed discussing.

First, the people behind marketing schemes know that, despite cliches like don’t judge a book by its cover, people are very much swayed by how a product looks or its associations.   That’s the theory behind branding and why celebrity endorsements and hip packaging work. 

Take this study where labels on wine bottles (containing the same wine) claimed the winery was located in either  California or North Dakota.  Not only did participants think the California wine tasted better, it affected future behavior, such as how likely they were to make future reservations at the restaurant!  This isn’t limited to novices either.  A similar study was performed at a premier wine tasting contest with nearly identical results.

Then there are the images of stick-thin women promulgated in magazines, as decried in this blog and a fantastic video from Dove’s Real Beauty campaign (which sadly has been taken down), which shows the before and after of a model preparing for her shoot.   

When it comes to outrage at such images, I’m right there with the other protesters, but what message does my daughter get when her already thin mother stands on the scale every Sunday morning?  When we say actions are louder than words, it’s another version of appearances are important.

And then there are appearances that can’t be viewed with the eye, but are just as real.  For many, our professions are an integral part of our identity, one sought out through years of schooling.  My identity as a scientist is as real as a lab coat snug (though hopefully not smug) around my shoulders. 

Which is one reason career changes are so hard.  When I strip myself of that identity and tell people I’m exploring the idea of becoming a full-time writer, the sensation is similar to those dreams where I’m standing naked before a  dumbfounded crowd.

It’s perfectly okay to want a pimped out blog or stand on the scale now and then.  But it’s important to remember people have supported and loved me regardless of my weight and despite that uncomfortable feeling, not a single friend has disowned me over my career switch. 

It’s not possible to completely overcome the effects of appearences, nor should we try.  Scientific studies have also shown first impressions are often quite accurate (this harkens back to Gary Klein’s work on decision making), and the evolutionary advantage is clear. 

But in today’s society, when judging appearances is more about social status than determining threat, it’s important to note how you process appearances and its impact on your own decisions.  As Alcoholics Anonymous says: The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one.   

What strategies do you use to keep the appearance factor in check?

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8 Responses to Does This Blog Make Me Look Fat?

  1. My favorite sentence in this post is,

    “But in today’s society, when judging appearances is more about social status than determining threat, it’s important to note how you process appearances and its impact on your own decisions.”

    By saying this, you concede that there may be some scientific, (unavoidable) amount of judgment we make based on appearance. At least on some reptilian brain level. HOWEVER, (and this is a huge however), you didn’t, as most people, (especially young bloggers and career specialists) simply conclude with “That’s the way it is. So if you want to succeed, get used to it, and get your appearance in line.” You actually came out and suggested we all take responsibility for the role that appearance can sometimes take in our decision making by recognizing that we do not HAVE to succumb to any snap decisions based on biology. We are in fact evolved beyond the need to capitulate to the book cover judgment. To the first impression meaning everything. To defining beauty according to some study conducted by marketing agencies and their short attention spans.

    As for me, I don’t mean to sound like some kind of evolved soul, but over the years I have pretty much kept that response to appearance in check to the extent that for me it isn’t generally an issue. Perhaps it comes from growing up poor, or from being exposed to a lot of pain that came about a result of being judged superficially. I can’t say for sure, but In most cases it has been easy for me to dig a little deeper than the outer shell.

    I know how it feels when people don’t look beyond mine, so I cannot help but look beyond theirs in most cases.

    That even goes for other things, like my blogs, and my job hunt. My blogs are not fancy, and I used pre-made templates. I use a system that most people have dismissed and I am not about to hire someone to create bells and whistles for my blogs. Nor am I going to learn the skills myself, just to get more “readers”. If people are honestly not going to appreciate my content because I use a simple design, they are probably too shallow to understand any of my words anyway.

    • You got my meaning exactly, Ty. First you have to know you see appearances, then you can work on how you react to them. In some senses I’ve done well. Even in high school, people used to tell me “You’d be so pretty if you just did your hair!” That wasn’t a good enough reason to get up early, at least not for me! LOL But I can’t promise I won’t pay someone to pretty up my blog. I do like to “make art,” I have a vision of what this blog should look like, I just can’t do it myself. It’s not urgent, certainly, but I think it’s okay to feel that way. It’s keeping it all in perspective that important for me.

      Thanks for your insightful comment!
      Jen

    • On
    • March 14, 2010 at 3:09 pm
    • Uncle T
    • Said...

    I am not sure what you mean by keeping the appearance factor in check? Does that mean that you should not be obsessed with it, obsessed with it just a little bit or totally ignored? I do feel it is my duty as a man to add my opinion of the male perspective. I do think the media has created its own “animal” with their obsession with the skinny model look. I think many of the actresses/models are borderline anorexic – Angelina Jolie is one of the first actresses that comes to my mind. Men are fortunate that even popular actors can carry a little extra baggage and still be considered sexy. I do believe that the “thin myth” is completely supported by women not men. The majority of women are obsessed with it – “Does this outfit make me look fat?” You can ask any married man that, in general, he is not expecting his wife to be model thin or even close to it. What I do detest is the other end of the spectrum where the overweight crowd (of women) is being marketed as “okay” without even a whimper as to what it does to their health as well as their self-esteem. Americans are still a society being overcome by over-eaters, fast food addicts and couch potatoes. Is their any wonder why our health care system is so overpriced? Even our children are being put at risk because of the unhealthy lifestyles of their parents. Please parents – if you don’t give a crap about your own health then do it for you kids!!!

    Of course one must also take into consideration grooming and dress as a major part of the appearance factor. Women you are just screwed here again. Guys really don’t have to “dress up.” Unfortunately we do like it when our women dress nice. We certainly get tired of seeing women (especially the married variety with kids) slogging around all day and evening in their sweat pants, t-shirt and jogging shoes. Why is it that a large majority of married women do think they have to look sexy for their men anymore? Have women forgotten how they looked and dressed when they were still in the “hunt?” Do you think we wouldn’t like to see you look than way for us a little more frequently than only when going out or when guests are coming over? The bad news is men cannot even bring the subject up (weight or appearance) without risking the wrath of our significant other. Women don’t seem to accept the reality that they are always in control. Men are, for the most part, relatively complacent in addition to being very basic creatures – treat us nice, feed us, take care of our family and make passionate love to us regularly and we are just happy campers. It is still hard for a man to get “turned on” by overweight and frumpily dressed women especially if they are our wives.

    • Uncle T-
      Sometimes it’s advantageous to pay attention to appearance, sometimes it’s not. My point was to say we should at least be aware of when appearance plays a part in our judgement or decision-making, so it’s a thoughtful process. Too often we like to say appearance has no bearing, when clearly it does.

      I agree there is a double standard when it comes to men and women and their appearance. As you say, “men don’t have to dress up,” but women shouldn’t forget “how they looked and dressed when they were still in the hunt.” Why should that double standard be okay? The fact it exists doesn’t mean it should continue.

      I also agree that women are largely responsible for perpetuating and exacerbating the weight issues that plague us. But that doesn’t mean men don’t play a role in continuing the myth. You even end your post with “It is still hard for a man to get ‘turned on’ by overweight and frumpily dressed women.” So it should be no surprise if when women ask, full of self-doubt, “Does this make me look fat?” Men are certainly not blameless in this plot.

      Of course, we’re talking about “men” and “women” and there’s a wide variety of opinions in that space. So I’m back to my main point. I think the most healthy thing we can do is talk about it, and see where appearances are ham-stringing our relationships.

    • On
    • March 15, 2010 at 2:04 am
    • Pat
    • Said...

    First of all, I am enjoying your blog.

    For the topic, it should be noted that I am older…sixty-five next week…yikes! How could that be? 65 is surely the new 55 or younger! I would not worry about getting on the scale, being a role model for fitness for your children…fitness is entirely different from botox and cosmetic surgery, efforts to look younger, augment, etc. that may be steeped in insecurities, but being aware of a healthy diet, staying fit and active I think is a good thing for your children to learn and model. I lost 70 pounds after I was 50 and have kept it off by eating healthy, low fat, changing my southern/midwestern-lifestyle/diet that I was raised with… and I am happier, healthier for it. Wish I’d never gained the weight and that I had lost it sooner. Skin is difficult to firm after 50. : ) For those of you reading who are in your twenties, thirties, forties and overweight, lose it now for YOU, your husband, loved ones, your children, grandchildren if you have them. Not just for the sake of appearances… they all already adore you…want you to be there for them for a long, long time.

    Your appearance will change for sure…not artificially/ cosmetically but because you’ll delight in being thinner, fitter, the feedback you get, I’d wager. : )

    Pat

    • Pat,
      It’s true that losing weight is super hard, keeping it off even harder. Traditional society doesn’t make it any easier with long work hours, too many obligations, and abundant fast/fatty food. But as you’ve found, there are alternatives for those who want to commit to it. I lost about 30 lbs. on Weight Watchers about two years ago. I just finally gave all my larger sized pants to Goodwill. I promised myself I’m never going back!

  4. I can only assume that Uncle T is in some way making a joke for us all to laugh at. Or is someone that you know personally trying to needle you. Because any civilized human being would not possibly believe that women were put on this planet to “treat us nice, feed us, take care of our family, and make passionate love to us regularly.

    If it wasn’t a joke, well, it was. Even if he doesn’t think it is, that whole notion is a joke.

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