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When it comes to choosing a life partner, most of us expect to make a few mistakes before finally selecting The One. 

Let’s face it, it’s not easy to match personality types, values, and of course find that inexplicable “spark.”

But when it comes to careers, many of us make an equally complicated choice based on … the classes we enjoyed in school?  How much we think we can earn?  The choices our parents approved of?

Whoa.  Careful there, or you’ll wind up in a career relationship for all the wrong reasons.

Here’s the good news: there’s no requirement to marry your career.  You can fool around or even take a break.

In fact, if you’re really lucky, you might be in the envious position of having two loves.  Here’s how to choose between them, or keep them both, whichever you decide–without the guilt.

The shocking truth about following your passions

It turns out that career design bears some similarity to how moths choose a mate.  

Basically, female moths release scents called pheromones, which the male moths chase.  In this analogy, the pheromones are the equivalent of your passions and you, my friend, are the male moth.

Now some moths are better at getting to the source of the pheromones than others (see the comparison of moths A and B below), but all of them have to zig-zag back and forth before eventually closing in on their target. 

This is an important point, because people trying to decide between two or more career options often have a hard time making up their mind. 

Believe me, as the moths have demonstrated, it’s hard enough finding your way when there’s only one source.  Blazing a career path when you have two or more passions can be confusing.

Worse, friends and family get frustrated by what they see as a lack of commitment or courage, which furthers the cycle of indecision.

But if the moth could give you just one piece of career advice, it would be this: it’s as valuable to know when you’re off the scent as it is to be on top of it.

Career love triangles (you complete me)

As I stated in my original post on career design, my first instinct was to work part time at three separate activities.  It worked in theory, but it also was a source of conflict.  

In fact, God help me for saying this, but I recently started to wonder if I wasn’t, indeed, a lost soul.

You see, I’ve been doing my moth thing over these last 12 months and I realized I was having a hard time honing in, mostly due to fear. 

I was afraid to pursue a traditionally published book before I’d really explored the full potential of the blog.  But I was afraid to launch a product or service on my blog for fear no one would buy it and this little career experiment of mine would reveal itself as an utter failure. 

Lastly, I was afraid to stop consulting because I couldn’t bear to fill out a credit application admitting I didn’t, currently, have a source of income–but surely I would once I produced my first e-book!

I looked an awful lot like Moth B above, going in circles, and getting farther away from my target.  And the more I went back and forth, the more I felt like a failure. 

But in fact, what I was doing was critical to the whole process.

I went back to my original career design exercises and looked at the data again.  Interestingly, I had subscribed to Entrepreneur Magazine as one way of narrowing down my choices.  But instead of letting the subscription lapse after making my career choice as a writer, I’d renewed it. 

Clearly, this was a scent worth following.  Maybe the answer lay not in choosing between being a writer or entrepreneur, but finding a way to complete my career love triangle.

How to find what you’re missing

I love this quote from Barbara Sher’s book, I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was

What will determine the course of your life more than any other one thing is whether or not you’re willing to tolerate necessary discomfort.

If you’re wrestling with the idea of what to do because you have more than one passion, let me assure you that feelings of discomfort are totally normal.  

It’s not unlike choosing between two love interests.  You hate to play favorites, but keeping them both in your life can feel a bit odd too.

Some passions are destined to be hobbies.  For a long time I worked in science by day and wrote poems by night.  I never wanted to become a full-time poet.  Even better, this arrangement allowed each passion to stoke the fire for the other.  I wrote poems with a science theme, and brought creativity to my science work.

But entrepreneurship was different.  While it doesn’t have to be a full-time pursuit, you’re either committed to doing it or you aren’t.  I kept telling myself I’d already picked writing as the career love of my life, but it felt like something was missing.

I let my fear of failure prevent me from dealing with my career discomfort.

So get creative.  If you have a passion for medicine and boats, daydream about how you could bring those two together.  Maybe you become the doctor for a cruise ship.  Maybe you join Doctors Without Borders and use a boat as your primarily mode of transportation.

Just like any relationship, it may not work out.

But don’t let fear prevent you from trying.  Whenever it wells up inside you, turn to the passionate people in your life for guidance. 

Instead of talking you down off the ledge of your emotions, they’re going to tell you to leap.

They’re right.  The worst thing you can do is stand there, heart in your throat, while the comfort of your old life calls through the open window.

Because when you leap, you might just discover you have wings.  And just like the moths, it’s when you’re flying that you’re likely to find your way to the light.

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63 Responses to Passion Smackdown: Do You Have To Choose?

    • On
    • March 22, 2011 at 9:21 am
    • ayngelina
    • Said...

    I changed my career 3 times before I was 32 and then left it all to go travel. I don’t see it so much as a change but an evolution and all the skills I learned in each I still use now.

    • Yes, I think that’s a fabulous way of looking at it: an evolution. That way change doesn’t seem so scary, it’s just what you’re supposed to be doing. Great perspective!

  2. I LOVE this line: “there’s no requirement to marry your career. You can fool around or even take a break.” You are so right and I have certainly lived it.

    I stared as a HS English teacher because that was one of the “acceptable” careers for women at the time. (After all you needed summers off to raise your kids, except I wouldn’t have any.)

    Then off to corporate management, commercial horse breeding, and owning an art gallery. Entrepreneurism was calling along the way, it just took a while for the moth in me to find the scent. When I did, I’d found my mate.

    Thanks for an inspiring message with all the particulars to help it connect. ~Dawn

    • Yes, you have learned the lesson of this post in spades. I love stories like yours. I mean, whoever would believe you could mix consulting, horse breeding, and art?! You’re the inspiration, Dawn. I’m just the vessel for sharing. :)

  3. Jen,
    As always you are so insightful and I love your posts. For the longest time I wanted to work in a museum because of my love of art. I even went so far as to get a masters degree. I found it nearly impossible to actually find work in this field and after 9/11, working in NYC was nearly impossible because of the economic down turn there because of the terrorist attacts. I have always loved vampires and wanted to write novels and I am in pursuit of my dream right now, writing novels that involve art, museums and the paranormal!
    I am still in the honeymoon phase, having just published my book in September, but I will keep an eye out as I navigate this exciting adventure. Your point about surrounding yourself with passionate people is right on. There is nothing like it.

    • Fabulous, Denise. That’s exactly the kind of spirit I hope others will embrace. When at first you don’t succeed, get creative!

  4. Enjoyed this post a lot ~ it helps to hear that zig-zagging is normal, even necessary!
    I also like the moth analogy ~ mating + career design = good post ;)

    • Yes, the zig-zagging is actually necessary. It was a huge relief when I came to that realization as well. Don’t worry–you’re doing great!

  5. I have to say that this was a tremendous posting. I enjoyed every nurturing morsel that I read. It is funny, I have been looking into my passion, what I would truly love to do if I could. I also would love to attempt to publish an E-Book, I have been dancing around with the blogging. http://employmentworld-chris.blogspot.com/, and I have found the passion I have is for helping others by training of passing on information. I once thought how great it would be to have some kind of Career Radio call in show for people to call in and ask me questions, but have not heard of any radio stations providing that. So after all that, like you, fear has taken my passion and silenced it, hopefully yours is yelling loudly

    • Chris,
      First, it’s comments like these that make blogging so fun. I love that my ideas can fan the fire in the belly of someone else.

      Second, my passion is yelling as loudly as it can and I’m doing my best to listen. But there’s so much noise in the world–sometimes well intentioned friends and family, sometimes the not so well intentioned media, and mostly just the loud mouthed fears in our own heads. So listening takes patience, and that’s why you have to zig-zag.

      Don’t give up. Don’t ever let that true voice go silent inside you. Just like eating well: just because you ate 3 pieces of cake yesterday doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy a salad today. Know what I mean? Pick one passion and see where it takes you. Eventually other passions may demand their fair share of your time too. Let them. It’s a dance, not a sprint.

      (And I promise, no more metaphors!!) LOL

  6. Excellent post Jen. It’s a topic that, I think, most people deal with. For me the crux of the issue is in learning to deal with the discomfort of simply following and tasting things. We want closure or think we’re supposed to have closure so become both uncomfortable and self-critical during the process of choosing.

    YOur moth analogy is a good one. Oh, also, good catch on your part about not letting the subscription to Entrepreneur lapse. Cherry

    • Cherry,
      Exactly! We want closure or think we should have it in any event, and we close ourselves off to the necessary discomforts. I always used to tell my students that learning is not, as some teachers would have you believe, a fun process. Having learned something, on the other hand, it divine.

      Glad you liked the analogy!

    • On
    • March 22, 2011 at 10:57 am
    • barbara
    • Said...

    I don’t often comment on this series because career design is in my past, but I can tell you from experience that this is dead on.

    My experimentation was primarily out of need. Each time we moved I had to find work in a new city. The need wasn’t as much about money as it was crucial for my sanity.

    I learned early on that I prefer being my own boss. Some of my nearest and dearest would tell you that’s because I have ‘issues’ with being told what to do. ;) Probably accurate.

    When I did work for someone else it primarily involved sales… outside sales. I liked the freedom, and I excelled in it. I was fortunate to work for some great people, and some I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

    The moral to this story would be this… never discount a work experience as a waste of time, or think you are just biding your time until the right career comes along. If your boss is a jerk, you’ll learn how you do not want to be. If your boss is supportive and values you, you’ll want to be that way when you’re the boss.

    Take from it all the lessons that are there for you and know you can use them to your advantage when you find your hearts desire.

    Great post Jen!

    • I sound a lot like you Barbara! I have always preferred being my own boss and even at the times I was employed by someone else, I chose careers that didn’t keep me tied to a desk or to a time clock, lol!
      Bernice
      The journey of a work-at-home mom

    • It’s true. We learn from all our experiences, not just our good ones. But it’s also true that we have to keep moving towards what interests us and rouses the emotion in us. Too many of us get stuck in those medicore careers and justify it by saying we’re still getting something out of it. So it’s both of those messages, isn’t it? Learn wherever you are, but keep moving towards the light.

  8. Hello Jen and great post! I always love reading your work – you write in a way that we can relate and understand! Great job!

    Now for the post – you are right on – taking that leap of faith to the passion of your heart and to give it your all – without giving FEAR any thought. That’s what leaping is all about – flying and letting go of the fear. Like I love to say – DO IT – not JUST DO IT…

    I did it with building my passion – http://www.makegirlfriends.com and so happy I did it. It’s an investment of money and time but the rewards are GREAT!

    In gratitude,
    Nancy

    • Thanks, Nancy! Yep, we gotta take that leap. I guess I should have mentioned that sometimes we’ll fall instead of fly, but that’s okay too. We just pick ourselves up again and follow our noses, hoping for a better outcome. I agree, the rewards are worth it!

    • On
    • March 22, 2011 at 11:20 am
    • Marc Sokol
    • Said...

    Hi Jen,

    Certainly a ‘busy’ post — busy in that it gives me so much to think about!

    While many people write and talk moving from one career to the next, I think that one huge opportunity is to think about it as “career integration and evolution”, which is more than discovery of what your passion is; it is about discovering the uniqueness in what you do.

    I’ve been an organizational psychologist for 30 years now; that career orientation hasn’t changed, but I’ve made any number of significant job changes that have impacted my perspective on what and how I do what I do — work in public then private sector, teaching and publishing, moving into management roles and then figuring out how to apply the same craft in different countries around the world, and then moving to an adjacent area, marketing and customer service, and again looking for the connective threads. I’m told that I offer a unique perspective BECAUSE I continue to think about what that all means and how these different experiences fit together.

    It’s our willingness to think across our different jobs that builds unique insights, and that’s not specific to me. A few weeks ago I posted about a dance instructor to learned to apply his insights from that role to a different career where he now trains surgeons to use new medical equipment. Now THAT is career skills integration!

    Thanks for the stimulating post!
    Marc

    • First of all, I just love the title “organizational psychologist.” So many organizations need that kind of help! (and I’m not being facetious at all)

      In science, as you probably know, the most interesting questions are at the intersection of disciplines. It’s also true in our work. So yes, finding those connective threads is THE KEY to standing out. Your story about the dancer doesn’t surprise me, but I loved reading about it anyway. Thanks for sharing it!

    • This reminds me of the career bricks post on The Simple Dollar. It presents a good framework to think about your skills in different areas and how they might combine to something bigger and better.

    • On
    • March 22, 2011 at 12:41 pm
    • K00kyKelly
    • Said...

    When I saw there was a moth involved I half expected the advice to be: just keep seeking the light!

    As far as my own career journey… I’m still trying to figure out if I am on the scent or not.

    • That’s a good point, Kelly. How do you know if you’re on the scent? Ask yourself: do you want to work on (insert job/idea here) nearly all the time? Do you have a hard time turning your mind off on the topic? Do you easily get into a state of flow while you do that work? Do you bore your friends half to death because you’re so interested in that topic? Do you read books/magazines on the topic in your free time?

      Those are good indicators. If they aren’t there, you’re probably pursuing the area for the wrong reasons. Hope that helps!

    • On
    • March 22, 2011 at 1:19 pm
    • Antoinette
    • Said...

    Excellent post! I’m currently in a transition with a need to be apart of the global common good. Interesting how after 2 degrees and 1 license, I’m still feeling a call into the deep.

    I’m currently allowing alignment into my life, understanding all things work for my good; and my passions are not in vain.

    Thank you Jennifer for being a change agent!

    • What greater calling is there? Thanks for listening and sharing your story. I always love to hear how different people are approaching transition.

  12. As the parents of 4 young adults, hubby and I have tried to teach what you say in this post to our kids. Yes, think about what you want to pursue, but don’t think that it will end up being what you do for the rest of your life. It is okay if you change your mind. Your likes will change as you are exposed to new things. Don’t be afraid to explore!
    Bernice
    The Struggle with the Juggle-WAHMs

    • Exactly. Sometimes I worry I’m teaching my daughter to be too cautious. We have a joke in our house about how many times I say, “Careful, careful!” But it’s more in the vein of physical safety. When it comes to ideas, our three year old has already learned well she can change her mind and it’s okay. In fact, she does it regularly. Frustrating for the parent, but worth the life lesson. LOL

    • On
    • March 22, 2011 at 3:23 pm
    • Linda
    • Said...

    Hi Jen–

    Love the analogy. It’s so important to know when you’re off scent…it’s too easy to get comfortable and lazy, and delude yourself into thinking you’re content.

    I’ve learned so much from every job, and often the worst experiences lead to personal growth. I actually crave the discomfort, and find the pressure works well for my anxious constitution (not that my mind is a barrel of monkeys all the time, though;)).

    I don’t want to regret my prime working years, and am looking for a career change right now.

    TY for the inspiration:). I think I’ll check out Entrepreneur magazine, too…

    • Yes, Entrepreneur is just a fascinating read. Wonderful profiles that honestly can inspire anyone, whether or not they want to start a business.

      I love the idea of not wanting to regret your prime working years. And I’m certainly hoping my prime lasts a long, long time… :)

  14. I used to think I was defective because I tried on an new career every 3 years or so. But you’d almost think I knew what I was doing (which I totally didn’t!) when you look at how all those different things are coming together in the new life I’m building. Yay for being the confused moth! ;)

    Ok, so when’s your ebook coming out? (Hint: even if you launch something and nobody wants it, that doesn’t have to make you a failure. It can make you someone who learned stuff and does a better launch next time.)

    • Actually, your last point is important. Realizing that a failure to launch is not a personal failure is what eventually allowed me to become unstuck. You can tell yourself that as many times as you want, but it’s not until you really believe it that you move towards the light. In this case at least, it was the passionate people in my life that eventually got me there.

      I’m shooting to have an e-book (and more!) done in the next 3 months. I battle perfectionism, so that’s the real struggle for me. Next week I plan to reveal the details, and solict some feedback. It honestly feels like I’m planning to run naked through school while searching for my homework. Oh wait. Maybe that was just a bad dream? LOL

      So stay tuned. I’ll need all the support I can get!

        • On
        • March 24, 2011 at 12:39 pm
        • Cara Stein
        • Said...

        Woohoo! Go for it! I’ll be happy to help.

        I’ve been doing a lot of things lately that feel like planning to run through school without my clothes or homework, but the amazing thing is, they all seem like no big deal in the rearview. Exciting accomplishments, but nothing to fear. I wish you the same experience–it’s exhilarating! :D

        • I know that’s true, logically. It always is. But man, those naked and no homework dreams are powerful! LOL I’ve got a plan, though. There’s no stopping me now. Thanks so much for the encouragement!

  15. Love the analogy too. Trying to figure out how to recognize the right scent to fly towards. Passion is there, even obsession and the emotional roller coaster.
    About changing career, I feel that I have been in the field of psychotherapy my whole life and have a hard time imagining that not being a big part of my future. Frankly, I am not sure what else I could do. 10 years ago I had fun writing a novel (Alice in Wonderland type)but have never had the guts to go forward. I know I like writing and therapy, so that’s the direction I am going.
    Thanks Jen for a very well put together post.

    • Irene,
      See my comment to Kelly. Knowing when you’re on the scent is easier than you think. Just be careful of confusing that scent with a sense that you don’t want to waste past investments. It was hard for me to turn away from a career in science too after getting a Ph.D. but it’s not like the underlying skill sets aren’t useful to me. Helping folks with careers involves a lot of data analysis too.

      I’m sure you could do any number of things. The question is just knowing what you want. Don’t limit yourself by what you have been! But if you’re waking up excited by your day and you have a hard time falling asleep because you’re thinking of some new way to do therapy, you’re probably in the right place.

  16. Big props for incorporating the mating habits of moths into a career advice post. This comparison is quite memorable.

    Being pulled in 4 or 5 different directions at once is difficult; come to think of it, I believe this was a popular form of torture in the middle ages.

    Currently I’m focusing on converging my different interests. For example, I love music, writing, and learning. Right now I’m in the early stages of developing some material on advanced learning techniques for musicians.

    I’m still off in several directions, but by making a conscious effort to bring things together, I’m starting to feel a little less stretched.

    Thanks again for the wonderful post!

    • Seth,
      Thanks for making me laugh out loud. My Dad used to make me watch a lot of animal shows growing up, and we joked we’d seen every species mate at some point. Why not moths? :)

      I think your convergence of advanced learning materials for musicians sounds AWESOME. See, when we try to converge our interests, I think we just come up with more interesting ideas. Great example of putting that theory into action.

      Thanks for a wonderful comment!

    • On
    • March 24, 2011 at 1:01 am
    • Sadya
    • Said...

    Dr. Jen you have the gift of saying the right things at the right time. And oddly it resonates with me so much.
    Absolutely magical words – “Because when you leap, you might just discover you have wings. And just like the moths, it’s when you’re flying that you’re likely to find your way to the light.”

    One of these days Im going to get out of my shell to stay in touch with you (& Jamie Farrel) more regularly.

    • You’re doing great, Sadya. The post itself is like a moth, and you are the source of light. Believe it.

  18. Oh my god Jen.. this rocks. That quote says it all. I’ve been embracing the discomfort factor and training myself mentally to have an increased capacity to deal with it. You summed it all up here. Most people have to search around the net, ask a thousand friends and take months to think about things like this. They could just come to your post and get the drill!

    Great post, as usual.

    • Thanks, Ryan. I have to tell you, I misread your comment, and thought you said

      Most people have to search around the net, ask a thousand friends and take MOTHS to think about things like this

      Clearly, I have moth issues. LOL. Thanks for the kind words.

  19. Great article. Has made me think about my own situation. I have a passion for Internet Technology and have been involved in it for around 25 years but I also have a passion in helping people to learn to understand themselves, emotionally, mentally etc.

    You have inspired me to look at how I can bring these two together. The moth had found the light again. :-)

    • Interesting, John. I spent a year working as the Assistant Chief Scientist for the Human Performance Wing of the Air Force Research Lab (sorry for the long title). All that to say, there are lots of people out there who are looking to study the connection between man and machine. In fact, the smartest man I know when it comes to that subject got his degree in Philosophy and self-taught himself everything about computers (back when it was much easier to do so). Let me know if you want to talk. Good luck!

  20. I envy those who know what they want early in life and go after it with a laser like focus. However many of us have competing interests (we like a lot of stuff). You don’t want to be like that proverbial donkey that stands midway between two haystacks and can’t decide which way to turn and starves to death. Pick something you really enjoy and pursue it and if it’s necessary revise your course later in life. You never know all that you would like to know before having to make a decision.
    Riley

    • Exactly, Riley. I would only add that while it’s understandable to envy those who always knew what they wanted, it’s also true that a fair number of them were either a) wrong, or b) decided to try another career later for fun. Exploring the career space is okay as long as you aren’t using it as an excuse to simply avoid decision making. Serendipity plays a huge role in success, in my opinion.

      • On
      • March 27, 2011 at 11:36 pm
      • K00kyKelly
      • Said...

      I always knew what I wanted, right up to when I didn’t! I spotted “I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was” (quoted above) at a Borders closing sale, nabbed it, and started reading it today. She mentions exactly this issue – envy of those who know what they want. I also have many interests and feel myself being pulled in many directions… hopefully the chapter related to too many choices will be as good as what I’ve read so far!

      • Let me know what you think. When I read the book, I felt it got too bogged down in the childhood trauma issues. The chapters that didn’t focus on family issues were great, though I questioned whether some of the examples were made up. Having talked to many people about career issues, I find most aren’t clear enough on their own situations to produce those kinds of insights so succinctly on the fly. Maybe I’m just a cynic. Hope it’s helpful to you, Kelly. Many folks thought they knew what they wanted until they didn’t. That’s why this blog exists. :)

  21. This post was quite thought-provoking. I admire your courage, Jen in taking the leap of faith and going after what you want. I have just begun the process of working for myself for the first time. Doing this in the midst of a recession and in a new city (due to my husband’s job relocation) is very daunting. It took me about 9 months to even get started. like you, I want to be a writer, but also a therapist and a workshop speaker. I’ve made progress in all these spheres, but it’s a lot of balls to keep in the air along with wife and mother. I think I need to hang in there and tolerate the discomfort, as you say.

    • It is daunting to make the leap in the middle of a recession, but I’d say the need for therapy may never be higher! Lots of people are anxious. In fact, what I know now is that I’m anxious even when I’m not making the leap, so what have I got to lose? I’d say use that discomfort as your guide. Too much is counter-productive, but a little bit can take you a long way. Glad we’re doing it together!

  22. What a genius tie in from choosing relationships to choosing a career. It’s very true.

    The pheromones in high school are not very clear at times. We get distracted from the path to look at pretty girls, sports, shiny things, or friends.

    Depending on how well we followed the trail in high school, determines the pace of our college career. For many, we enter college still unsure of what it is we are going to do after college. We pick our degrees on what sounds interesting, easy, or pays well. The danger is that many of those motivations are not really in line with who we are or what we value.

    When we graduate and enter the workforce, we feel the real pressures, we get stuck in jobs that don’t fill our passion and then feel helpless to go back to school and start over.

    There is an amazing number of people (over 80%) of U.S. employees who are planning on changing jobs in 2011. I can’t help but feel that many of them could resonate with what you have shared just now.

    • Exactly, Bryce. Now the issue of getting that 80% to read my blog… LOL. Glad you enjoyed the post and the analogy. It’s why I love writing, finding the connection between dissimilar things.

    • On
    • March 29, 2011 at 4:01 pm
    • Kathy Morelli
    • Said...

    Love the analogy of dating before you settle down, but using it for a career; its a great metaphor and provides safety and clarity around the process, the emotional process of choosing a career. Great read….I have changed careers a few times in my life and I feel as if I was evolving…take care, Kathy

    • I’ve actually been surprised how much career design resembles dating. Glad it’s not just me!

    • On
    • March 29, 2011 at 4:36 pm
    • Daria
    • Said...

    So what did you decide to do? Publish a traditional book? Quit consulting? monetize your blog?

    • I decided to monetize my blog. It was a really hard decision, and I am still pushing through my fears, but I’ve committed to it now. I think I’ll learn a lot from the process, no matter what the result is. I haven’t quit consulting either! My boss is just too persuasive. Every time I try to quit he lures me with another interesting project I can’t say no to. I’m still a bit uncertain about that–trying to create a product, keeping up with the blog and consulting is a lot of work. I’m trying to use Leo Babauta’s book on procrastination to keep me focused. Please keep asking me about this–I need the accountability!

        • On
        • August 28, 2011 at 6:24 am
        • Fiona
        • Said...

        This is the first great article I have read on this subject Jennifer, Thank you! You have articulated so well what I have been struggling with for months. After quitting my career of the past 10 years, as a Kitchen Designer, 7 months ago to follow my passion as in corsetry. I have been struggling to fully let go of what I know I’m good at to start at something I might not be good at! Fear & procrastination are truly the real predecessors of success.
        Would mind if I asked what Leo’s book on procrastinating is called?

        • Fiona,
          Leo’s book is “The Little Book of Un-Procrastination” which you can get in a digital format on Zen Habits, along with some interviews. I highly recommend it.

          The thing about passion is this: it’s really hard not to eventually be good at something you’re passionate about. Where people can go wrong is when there’s some aspect to the money-making portion of the passion that they aren’t good at and aren’t terribly interested in learning. Artists, for example, run into this problem when they feel like marketing is somehow slimy and un-artistic, yet it’s integral to efforts to make money, unless you’re willing and able to take your art to more traditional jobs.

          Does that help? And if you don’t mind me asking, what is corsetry? Is it making corsets?

  25. Pingback: Why I’m a Historian First (and Everything Else Second) « notjustmyblog

    • On
    • August 28, 2011 at 7:52 am
    • confusedguy
    • Said...

    Hello Jennifer,

    I came across your website from zenhabits where you recently wrote a guest post – ’3 Clear Reasons to Change Careers’. I loved that piece and it rang a bell with me like few other articles have in what I am feeling.

    Basically, I am a guy currently studying for a Phd in aeronautics. But, before I tell you about my problem, let’s go back to why I chose this path : I have believed that you can do great work only when you have the fire-in-the-belly feeling that you described. A few years ago, during my undergraduate degree, I had this thing for airplanes. I couldn’t wait to get up and see what news was there in aviation, which airline had launched a new color scheme and watched documentaries on flight when I had a broken leg. But, for reasons unknown to me, the passion for aviation I had had for about 5 years disappeared. However, I still liked airplanes. Then I worked in a aeronautics research lab, did some decent work there, and even got to fly an ultralight, but I had this feeling that, had I been my old me (the mad airplane-loving guy), my time there would have been totally exhilarating. Soon after, I got an offer to earn a Phd in aeronautics and thought, well atleast it will be time spent doing something I like.

    So here I am now, almost a year into the phd, finding it difficult to do the kind of work I want to do, but not able to, with the nagging feeling in my head that I would do so much better if I can only get back that fire-in-the-belly passion for aeronautics. I keep trying to like my subject, but as you know, love can’t be forced and all this effort is making me a one-dimensional person with all my time consumed in making this work, and this is taking a serious toll on my relationship with family, friends and even on my mental state.

    What do you think? Should I continue on my PhD, assuming it’s one of those waning periods (but it’s been almost 4 years now since I lost that passion) and hope the fire-in-the-belly comes back eventually? or should I leave whatever I am doing and look for something else? I feel so lost and would love your help.

    Sorry for the long post, but hoping for your suggestions.

    • No apologies for the long post. That’s what this community is for–a place where you can honestly connect with those who know and understand what you’re going through.

      Your situation reminds me a bit of my husband. My husband loves sailboats. He reads books about them, subscribes to several magazines. He can talk your ear off when it comes to sailboats. So while we were living in DC, we got a sailboat. He was so excited. I think he went sailing about 5 times in 3 years. It was crazy. He blamed his job, the commute to the boat, etc. But I told him that if sailing was what he really loved, those things wouldn’t get in his way. Selling them? Writing and advising on them? Reviewing books on the subject? I could go on and on.

      So maybe you see the parallel. You probably still love airplanes, but how you translate a love of airplanes into an actual paying job is more complicated. You need to figure out exactly what it is you love about them. This is part of what my No Regrets Career Academy teaches you to do, but to explore the subject on your own, read this great guest post on my site called The Secret to Interpreting Your Childhood Dreams, which has some very pertinent case studies for your situation.

      I think what you do know is that studying aerodynamics isn’t your passion, and my advice would probably be to leave the program now. I really disliked my PhD experience, solely due to my lack of the fire in the belly–it was an agonizing 3 years of my life I’ll never get back. I hate to even say that, because I had terrific lab mates, an accomplished advisor and committee, and getting my PhD opened doors for me I wouldn’t have had otherwise. Was it worth it in the end? Too hard to say, but in general, if you aren’t living and breathing your subject by choice, I think a PhD is a bad idea (particularly if you’re paying for it, which I wasn’t).

      I hope that helps. On the good side, if you do decide to gut it out, it’s not like the time spent learning the degree will be worthless. You’ll find other, perhaps more creative ways, of applying what you’ve learned. Education itself is always a good thing–you just have to decide if you really need and want a PhD. Ask yourself this: once you get the degree, what will you do with it? If you aren’t excited about any of the answers, I think that tells you what you need to know. Note that you’ll probably have to do a good bit of research to know what you could do with the degree. I certainly had no insight when I was going through my program into the kinds of jobs I would eventually hold, most of which I enjoyed.

    • On
    • August 28, 2011 at 9:55 am
    • confusedguy
    • Said...

    Hello Jennifer,

    Thanks a lot for the reply. Well, I actually like the subject that I am studying..it’s just that I really miss the deep feeling for it that makes you jump out of bed in the mornings, even when things aren’t going so well..

    For the last few yrs, I kept telling myself that the situations is like any human relationship and it begins with a lot of excitement and passion, but as the novelty wears off, your feelings don’t go away, but are more subdued. However, just like human relationships, every once in a while, a spontaneous joy comes from nowhere and that’s an indication you are still in a more mature relationship with your passion. Maybe I should believe now that I am in a more settled state with airplanes and should accept that and persist with my studies.

    Also, one thing that I have noticed is that it’s important to have different activities to keep the mind interested and the love affair reasonably fresh. If I am thinking about the same kind of stuff over and over again for long periods of time, then it’s bound to lose its novelty and that would reduce my enthusiasm for the subject. So it seems that by having a few distinct activities, you avoid falling into a rut by doing the same thing over and over again.

    What do you think? and thanks once again for your reply.

    • I think the analogy of a human relationship is a good one, but it does get tricky. You probably can’t maintain that rush you felt about airplanes years ago. Over time, your emotions recalibrate with exposure. But, and this is important, you should still be excited to get out of bed in the morning. I’ve been married over 11 years. My husband and I don’t act like newlyweds by any stretch, but I am excited and happy to see him every morning. And I have never contemplated leaving him either. :)

      The thing with passion is this: it’s really easy to complicate it. I mean, I like biochemistry too. None of my colleagues thought I was in the wrong place. I regularly briefed people on my work with enthusiasm. But I still didn’t have the fire in the belly. I made excuses as to why I didn’t have time to read Science magazine or why I couldn’t research a particular topic in more depth. The truth was that my jobs gave me opportunities to touch on what I really love–communication–so I had lots of good days. It was hard to acknowledge that I had been trying, with quite a bit of unconscious effort, to fit myself where I didn’t belong, even though I was good at it.

      I can’t tell you if you have that fire in the belly or not. But you can. If you won $10 million dollars tomorrow, would you continue in your PhD program? If you got kicked out of your PhD program, would you still find a way to be involved and engaged in aeronautics? Given 24 hours of absolute free time, where no one would know how you spent that time, would you spend it doing something involved in aero? If not, what would you spend your time doing?

      I hope those questions help. For me, the big a-ha came when I realized yes, I would quit my job if I won the lottery, and if given 24 hours of free time, I’d spend it writing. And after more than a year of it, I’m still waking up at 4 AM because I’m too excited to sleep and the ideas need somewhere to go. :)

    • On
    • August 30, 2011 at 12:57 am
    • confusedguy
    • Said...

    Hi Jennifer,

    Thanks a lot for your reply. I need some time to really get at what you are trying to convey here, so please don’t interpret my silence as I’ve abandoned the topic.

    I am grateful that you’ve taken the time to write detailed replies. :)

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