I was sixteen when my mom was diagnosed with cancer.

The tumor was in her lung (she’d been a smoker), but it appeared operable.  One of the best cancer hospitals in the country was located just across the street from her office.  Her prognosis was good and we were all pretty positive about the final outcome.

She bravely went to every treatment her doctors ordered: surgery, chemo, radiation.  She listened to positive thinking tapes while recovering, pausing every so often so she could throw up over the side of the couch.  She carried a rabbit’s foot in her purse.

And somehow, while dealing with all of that, she found the energy to try to shield me from much of the reality of her situation.  She fought to live of course, but I think she fought harder so I wouldn’t have to watch her die.

You want to take a break. No, you need a break.

But you don’t take one.

You’re worried you’ll be seen as irresponsible, unreliable, or selfish.  You keep saying, “Things will slow down in a couple of weeks and then I’ll schedule some time off.”

Two weeks go by.  Then two months.  And the tasks just keep coming.

When I said I wanted to be a writer, I did not mean a writer of to-do lists. 

Sometimes I’m tempted to curl up with a cat and not get out of bed until I’m too hungry to lie there anymore (which, for those who don’t know me, is about 15 minutes).

Sometimes when I sigh particularly loudly and my daughter asks me what’s wrong, I don’t know what to tell her because actually, everything is freaking amazing in my life right now.

It’s just that, sometimes, I want to cry from exhaustion.

And I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.  People often tell me they feel so overwhelmed, they’re paralyzed.  They don’t have the emotional energy for dinner, much less career change.  The best they can muster is some down time in front of the TV or computer, but it’s not relaxing and strangely not satisfying.

The writer in me would like to give you 5 simple steps to solve your problem.  But let’s face it, ignorance is not the issue.

Nope, I’m not going to tell you what to do.  I’m going to do one better: I’m going to show you.  Even if it hurts.

It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed these days.

I don’t mind working hard.  In fact, I enjoy it.  But I also want a life.

The first time I really struggled with that balance was in college.  I attended a military academy, so in addition to studying (which I thought I knew how to do), I now had to shine shoes, practice pull-ups, and do work in the squadron. 

Crazy me, I also wanted to attend a party or two.

I tried eliminating as much from my to-do list as possible so I could focus on what mattered: my classes.  The result was that my grades actually declined.

What I inadvertently discovered was Parkinson’s Law: work expands to fill the time available to complete it.  

As with my grades, more time doesn’t always equate to better performance.

It’s why productivity experts who try to solve your problems by telling you to just focus may be giving you the worst possible advice. 

Because if you harbor perfectionist tendencies or lack self discipline or are really overwhelmed by a fear of doing something big, focusing is more likely to set you back than propel you forward.  The more you focus, the more time tasks take. 

It can actually be a productivity death spiral.

I’m not the first to talk about the magic of the imminent deadline to squeeze out excellence and get more done.  But few proponents are honest enough to warn you that done incorrectly, this technique can go horribly wrong too.  

This post will set the record straight and help you get your productive mojo back in no time.