A lot of people tell me they’re looking for freedom.

I completely understand, because much of my life has been a crazy courtship of the concept. I just didn’t understand the cost until recently.

After high school, I joined the military to escape a totalitarian father, which even I have to admit is funny. It’s true that, by comparison, the military was a picnic. The upperclassmen at the Air Force Academy nicknamed me Cadet Happy Camper because even when they were yelling in my face or making me do iron mikes, I couldn’t help but smile.

The military culture convinced me I was willing to die for freedom, the kind that belonged to someone else. But I struggled to take even the tiniest risks to grant me my own.

Editor’s note: guest post by Sophie Lizard.

There’s a certain pride in solving your own problems, isn’t there?

Maybe you made it through a tight month financially by selling some items on eBay.  Or maybe you somehow managed to get your dog to vet, your kid to the doctor, the groceries for dinner, and your report for the boss–all without inconveniencing anyone but yourself.

Doing things for yourself is empowering.

But if you’ve ever struggled onward with heroic determination rather than ask for help when you really needed it, you’ll know that independence comes at a price. Sometimes, it’s a price you’d be silly to pay.

It’s not the load that breaks you down; it’s the way you carry it.

Lena Horne

Many people these days find themselves over-committed, overwhelmed, and anxious.  Unfortunately, too many think the solution lies only in self-help.

A much needed complement, though fraught with fear and guilt for many, is to ask for help from others.

Not only does this help relieve your own burden, but studies show that human contact and kinship alone can help reduce anxiety.  It turns out getting help for yourself actually serves everyone.

To make that happen though, you have to ask.

And that scares the crap out of you just as much as it does me. So, let’s beat that fear today.

“Dream big.”

It’s good advice, and you hear it a lot.  But is not dreaming big enough really your problem?

Or is it doubt?

Maybe you’ve started a side gig to test out your entrepreneurial chops and no one’s buying.  Or you’re going back to school at night and the lack of downtime is wearing you down.  Or maybe your spouse and friends are tired of your whining and are urging you to give up and settle down.

And that’s when the voice in your head pipes up with annoying questions like: Am I good enough to do this?  Is my dream really worth the pain?  Would I be better off doing something else?

One of the biggest misconceptions career changers have is that once you get started on the right path, that the doubt will go away.

In fact, it’s just the opposite.

The more you invest in your passions, the more you’ll doubt your ability and dedication to achieve it.

If the solution were “just ignore that voice,” it would be easy.  But often there’s an element of truth to the troubling questions you’re wrestling with.

The issue for a lot of people isn’t tuning in to their “inner voice,” it’s decoding what it’s saying.  Click to tweet

And if you want to have any hope at all of succeeding in those big dreams, you’re going to have to get really good at translating that inner voice into positive action.

In this post, I’m giving you your very own Doubt Decoder Ring.  Use it wisely and often.