Are Your Goals Making You Lonely?

Are Your Goals Making You Lonely?

You’ve wondered, right?

You thought setting and achieving big goals would make you feel better, happier. If we’re being honest, maybe even a little invincible.

There’s more to it though. Behind the thrill of setting big goals is also a little anxiety. You don’t talk about it much, but there’s that nagging voice. What will people think of you if you fail? What will you think of yourself?

It’s exactly that fear that keeps you head down and focused. You want to land that dream job. You want to finally pay off your debt. You want to lose fifteen pounds so you aren’t embarrassed to wear shorts in the summer.

You worry that any distraction, interruption, or lack of discipline is going to send those goals down the drain, never to be seen again–and your chance at a better life will disappear with them.

So you turn down invitations, but stay up late. You eat junk food to get you through the days you feel worn down. You’re crushed by all the things you feel need to be done that just aren’t making your list.

At some point, you might stop and wonder: is it worth it?

Congratulations. That’s the first step. (more…)

10 Ways to Feel More Joyful (In Any Season)

10 Ways to Feel More Joyful (In Any Season)

Clearly, my daughter thinks the way to be more joyful is to sing Christmas carols every chance she gets.

Or perhaps I should say Christmas carol. She only knows one.

The truth is, as much as I love the big picture of my life, my daughter will tell you I sometimes get a little … serious. And for someone who’s already pretty busy doing what she wants to do, the holidays can be a distraction I’m not always as grateful for as I should be.

But you know, that Christmas carol eventually won me over. Joy is contagious. And so I’d like to pass some along to you, just without the singing.

Here’s what I’m doing to bring more joy into my life, now and hopefully year round.


Letting Go, Even When You Don’t Want To

Letting Go, Even When You Don’t Want To

I t’s gutting, isn’t it?

You’ve finally found that thing that makes you feel giddy and alive—maybe it’s a job, or a place, or a person you think you could spend the rest of your life with.

And then, bang. It’s over.

Maybe you were fired. Maybe your positioned is being moved to Newark. Maybe they just weren’t that into you. Whatever the reason, someone else has decided the good times are over and there’s nothing you can do about it.

When you’re in the middle of that pain, you can’t help but wonder: what if that was as good as it gets?

Will I have to settle for something that will always feel less than? (more…)

Why Do I Feel So Empty Inside?

Why Do I Feel So Empty Inside?

Growing up, I was pretty emotionally unstable.

By the time I got to high school, I cried myself to sleep nearly every other night. I thought no one liked me. I had no one to talk to but my mentally ill father, who didn’t have a good grasp of how to deal with these feelings himself.

I was a strange mix of academically confident and socially dejected. And it hurt. A lot.

Then I grew up and somehow, amazingly, got that life that I always dreamed about.

The stable family that loves spending time together. Enough money in the bank that we can take fun vacations whenever we can carve out the time. Friends who want to get together for tea or go to concerts.

I know when I wished for all this, when it was the light in my dark teenage life, I promised to never, ever be ungrateful.

But that ache, that gnawing feeling inside … it never quite went away. (more…)

Valentine’s Day is for Givers

I’ve been thinking about how to live a more generous life lately.

Maybe it’s because I feel like I have so much to be grateful for in my own life, it’s time to give back.  Or maybe it’s because now that I’ve got my personal life largely in order, I have the time and energy to think about someone other than myself.

Or maybe it’s like Winston Churchill said

We make a living by what we get. But we make a life by what we give.

What I didn’t anticipate is how hard it would be.

So in this post I’ll explore how we can get the most out of Mr. Churchill’s advice, and how you can participate in a very special giveaway. (more…)

Will Changing Careers Really Make You Happier?

Will Changing Careers Really Make You Happier?

W henever things get bad at work, whenever your boss pisses you off or you have to sit through another pointless meeting, you allow yourself a little dream.

You dream about meaningful work and the autonomy to do it at your own pace.

You dream about working hard and playing hard and loving every moment of both.

You imagine disconnecting from your caffeine lifeline, because you’ll be so darn happy in your dream career (whatever it is), you’ll be bursting with energy and enthusiasm. The stress will be gone, along with the crankiness and fatigue.

Or will it?

You worry you’re just kidding yourself. Can the grass really be greener in a new career? Or are you destined to be unhappy and unfulfilled no matter where you go?

In my own career change, I found some things almost instantaneously became better. For example, as an introvert, working in a job that required me to attend meetings all day, every day was draining. When I switched to working from home, I instantly had the energy to reengage and enjoy my friends and family again. These days, I average a social get-together about once a week as opposed to once a month (or longer).

Other problems were maddeningly unchanged, or in some cases, got worse. My tendency to over-commit to projects, leading to suffocating feelings of being overwhelmed, were not aided by becoming my own boss. I was a lot less short-tempered than when I worked in a big bureaucracy, but I still experienced more stress than I wanted.

I realized that changing careers isn’t the fast track to outrunning your inner demons. But it can be just what you need to outsmart them. Let me explain … (more…)