Editor’s Note: this is a guest post from my friend and former colleague Larry Warrenfelz.
I would rather schedule my priorities than prioritize my schedule. That’s an easy phrase to put on a Power Point slide, but it is apparently not so easy to carry out under the pressures of real life.
During my early years in the Navy, my command’s Plan of the Day always took precedence over my personal priorities. I did my best to balance the demands of the Navy with the needs of my family and the desires of my personal life … with only a small degree of success.
When my daughter was born in 1983, I was on an aircraft carrier operating off the coast of Lebanon. In the days before e-mail and satellite phones, the best I could do was a Red Cross message. It’s hard to express true joy and thankfulness in a telegram. I did manage to talk my boss into granting me a week’s leave during our next scheduled port visit. I flew home and introduced myself to my month-old daughter.
About fifteen years into my Navy career, a friend submitted his retirement paperwork and opened my eyes at the same time. I asked him, “So you decided to retire, huh?” He responded, “No, the law says we WILL retire. I just decided WHEN.”
It hit me—at some point in the future the Navy was going to be done with me. As we’ve seen in the recent recession, this attitude isn’t limited to the military. No matter how hard you’ve worked, some day your employer may be done with you as well.
My best-case scenario was to leave when I wanted to go rather than to retire when they forced me out. I spent twelve more years on active duty, but I was determined to shift my focus. During those years I did a much better job of scheduling MY priorities. The Navy mission was still number one, but I ate more dinners with my family, saw more high school plays, and watched many more ballgames.
Like many career paths, the Navy culture expects officers to put in an extraordinary amount of time every week. It is almost a badge of honor to work twelve-hour days and to come in on weekends as well.
At sea, this is not a problem, because there really isn’t much else to do. In port or on shore duty, I thought it was silly to hang around the office just to give the impression that I was more dedicated to my job and career than my shipmates were to theirs. At each new assignment, from my first day on board I made it a point to leave the office at a reasonable hour.
That almost always made me the first one out the door. I would occasionally get raised eyebrows from my boss or a co-worker, but in the long run, I think it actually helped my career. I established a reputation as an efficient officer who was able to accomplish more in less time. But, as I knew all along, the end of my time on active duty was steadily approaching. Finally, after two command tours, there were no more fun assignments in the Navy. So I picked my time and called, “When!”
Survivor
Each year at the local Relay for Life, the American Cancer Society gives me a purple T-shirt labeled “SURVIVOR.” I suppose I am. Counting my years at the Naval Academy, I survived 31 years in the Navy. I also survived six rounds of cancer, two amputations, and a brain-stem stroke. Now I only do things I want to do!
For me, it took a life-threatening experience to arrive at a balanced perspective. I firmly believe that there are other pathways. (My son has a much healthier view of his priorities than I did at age 30.) Consciously decide what is really important to you, and act accordingly.
That doesn’t mean you have the freedom to quit working and go live on the beach. Financial security for your family is undoubtedly a factor. It has to be somewhere on your priority list.
For ten years my post-Navy paycheck came from a small research institute in Florida. My research administration work was interesting and I enjoyed the people. It truly was something I wanted to do. (The fact that they paid me quite well didn’t hurt.)
After I had my leg amputated, I spent so much time at doctor and prosthetics appointments that I reduced my hours to 30 per week. When my physical condition stabilized, I didn’t go back to full time work. My wife and I decided that the additional free time was worth more to us than the extra income.
Shifting Priorities
Even before the amputations, I had started to realize that my “what I want to do” priorities were changing.
I was one of the better research administrators around. I was also one of the better fast pitch softball umpires in my area. My vocation paid me well. My avocation barely covered my expenses. But there was no doubt in my mind which one had top priority.
Retirement—and the time to spend in my personal pursuits—began to look more and more attractive. But until last autumn, our goal of early retirement was someplace in the vague and cloudy and somewhat distant future. It was always a “wouldn’t it be nice if …” instead of a “by 2015, we will …” (I blame inertia and a certain status quo comfort-level for my failure to take concrete action to reach the goal.)
But last October we went to Maryland for Homecoming Weekend at the Naval Academy in Annapolis. Because I was traveling with an extra leg, crutches, and a walker, we took a full ten days off and made a leisurely drive from Florida. The autumn colors in the Blue Ridge Mountains were spectacular.
My wife and I decided we needed to spend more time doing the things we wanted to do. My job, enjoyable as it was, slipped another notch down the priority list.
I could not reduce my hours any further without putting an unfair burden on my friends at the institute. So it came down to a choice—would I schedule my priorities, or let them continue to exist in some fuzzy world of “wouldn’t be nice …?”
Why did it take me so long to get to this point? In retrospect, I was pretty good at visualizing the goal, but I was terrible at plotting a course to reach it. If I could do it again, I would keep the clear goals, but put a lot more emphasis on the plan of action required to achieve them.
It turned out to be an easy choice after all. Well, it was an easy choice after it was made and I found myself sleeping more peacefully and waking up looking forward to what each new day might bring.
Larry Warrenfeltz is a husband, father, grandfather, fastpitch softball umpire, Navy veteran, cancer survivor, and one-legged golfer. He lives with his wife Nancy in Pace, Florida. He enjoys traveling, writing, reading, and life in general.
It makes me incredibly happy that you’ve found your pace and struck out to do what you want to do. My daughter’s father was a Marine for 11 years and I see a lot of similarities to your story in him. He’s just got a job now but sometimes he puts in 60-70 hours a week. I keep telling him, he’s working himself to death and his company will let him. And he keeps replying back, I’ll work less after my next promotion. I’m sure you know well how much I believe that.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Thanks Erica. There’s no doubt that companies (just like military services) focus on many goals ahead of the personal welfare of their employees. Most give lip service to employee health and welfare, but the figure on the bottom line is “the alligator closest to the boat” and get’s their real attention. Short-sighted, but a fact of life. “After the next promotion” probably isn’t a good plan of action. he will feel that his employer expects even more. But hopefully he can pull it off.
Sharing our stories is a powerful way to convey lessons. Thank you so much for sharing yours.
The culture in the USA regarding working is skewed. To think that working longer hours is a badge of honor and some competitive thing is crazy. It’s not just that work/home balance gets out of whack, it’s that study after study shows that after about 9 hours of work our productivity goes down and we make more mistakes, which then have to be corrected. Cherry
You’re welcome Cherry. Yes, it’s crazy, but it’s a fact that we need to have the courage to change (one of Jen’s specialties). We even had a saying in the Navy: “We work half days … any twelve hours you want.”
Larry,
I was not in the Navy, lol, but in a corporate job that required 12 hours a day or more sometimes. I think that saying is funny, about working half days, but living it out was tough! I eventually had a mental meltdown and had to leave that job!
Bernice
Learning to turn work OFF
Sounds like you have clear goals and a plan of action, Stacey. Congratulations!
I wish I would have found Bernice’s blog a few years ago!
Ahh, but unfortunately I wasn’t at the place to write it yet! My goal is empower others to avoid the burnout and stress that I endured. And if they have already reached that point, I seek to help them have to tools to recover. And it is a journey I am following along at the same time!
Bernice
Dr. Larry,
Great blog!
As much as we all miss you at IHMC, I am so glad you are living the life you’ve dreamed about since I met you.
You have been a true inspiration to me these last few years on how to handle set backs with determination and bad news with grace. (And never forgetting the positive).
~Liza
Thanks Liza. I do miss the daily interactions with the great folks at IHMC. I’m glad we remained in the area so we can see y’all from time to time. (Remember: Optimists and pessimists are both right … they both get what they expect.)
Thank you for sharing this, Larry!
Love the line: So it came down to a choice—would I schedule my priorities, or let them continue to exist in some fuzzy world of “wouldn’t be nice …?”
I’m going to keep returning to that reminder in the days to come.
You’re welcome Caroline. Everyone has goals, but not everyone plans out the route to reach them. Good luck!
Hi Larry!
Thanks so much for your thoughtful post! I really appreciate that you shared, “In retrospect, I was pretty good at visualizing the goal, but I was terrible at plotting a course to reach it. If I could do it again, I would keep the clear goals, but put a lot more emphasis on the plan of action required to achieve them.”
I’ve worked as a nurse-midwife for over 13 years, and I recently quit my hospital job – even though it offered steady pay and great benefits and I’m the primary financial provider in my family.
I quit for many, many reasons. One of them was that I was feeling more and more unhappy with the responsibilities of being an employee. I realized at that what’s most important to me is to live my life exactly as I choose – and that’s to do good *and* feel good.
As for “financial security for your family”: We have no debt and we practically own our home, so if I’m not able to pay our bills from my business (which I started about 2 years ago), my fail-safe plan is to rent our house and move to Guatemala and live on the rental income.
I’ve lived and worked in Central America before – with no electricity or running water – so I know that I can live very well on very little money. As my friend said, “Even in the Third World, you’ll always have First World problems.”
I want my “First World” problems to look like how to do good *and* feel good with the precious time I have on this planet.
Thanks again, Larry, for sharing your story!
What an awesome story Larry has to tell! I was impressed at how, even in the Navy, in his later years he learned to live his priorities. But when you read the rest of the story, of the other trials he has overcome, amazing!
Having been through some medical trials ourselves, hubby and I are trying to determine where our next steps will lead. Our nest is almost empty!
It was interesting to hear Larry talk about setting and living your priorities, my blog’s tagline is Define and Live Your Priorities!
Thanks for having Larry guest post!
Bernice
Speeding through Life
“Why did it take me so long to get to this point? In retrospect, I was pretty good at visualizing the goal, but I was terrible at plotting a course to reach it. If I could do it again, I would keep the clear goals, but put a lot more emphasis on the plan of action required to achieve them.”
Thank you for such an incredible wake up call and for making it so clear.
My husband and I have been talking about going to Italy for years now. Every year we say, “maybe next year” and guess what? Something else always comes up and then the last time we had this dicussion, I said “maybe next year” and he said “the time is now so next year we are going to Italy.” I believe we will.
You will love Italy! We spent two years in Gaeta (between Rome and Naples on the west coast). “Join the Navy and see the world!”
Denise,
So glad you are finally going to go. I echo Larry here. Italy is wonderful, and I’ll add, you deserve it. 🙂
I am so happy you made the choice to retire and enjoy your lives together….makes me a bit nostalgic for the dreams my husband and I had but were never able to see happen….he passed away on active duty…So…enjoy these wonderful spring days of sunshine and softball!!!! My husband was a second baseman/short stop…we loved the game, too….
Thanks Joe! Feel free to share the post with the book club. Gotta love those nimble-footed middle infielders. 🙂
Larry – thanks for reminding me about putting “first things first”…it’s a whack on the side of the head that I need right now as I approach an inflection point in my journey. I was so fortunate to run into Stephen Covey at the right time in my life, and to assymptotically approach (I know you’d love the math reference)that delicate balance that you have realized. The tragedy in today’s world is that we seem to require a personal or professional crisis to make the substantive changes your path has defined. Your story-sharing over the years has provided more than one reader with the inspiration to make a change, and for that, we are eternally grateful. Look forward to seeing you soon.
IMUA!
/Ty/
Ty,
I’ve been searching for methods to help people see the potential in their lives and careers sans the life trauma, and the only thing I’ve found is telling stories like Larry’s enough times until it hopefully sticks. I love the idea of relating Larry to Stephen Covey. They’re both wise men! Thanks for stopping by.
Jen, Ty has always been my Covey guru.
Ty, You know what you need to do — schedule your priorities! You taught me that!
Loved your story Larry. My husband is a cancer survivor, too. I believe the insane pressure he endured at the end of his career, so he could get his ’90 points’ and retire, created the perfect environment for cancer to thrive. It was a huge wake-up call for him. Sometimes God needs a 2×4.
He has many of the same regrets you and many others had, who struggle to reach retirement. By sharing your story you may save someone else from waking up one morning and wondering where the time went.
Thanks for telling your story and thanks Jen for sharing Larry.
b
LOL at “Sometimes God needs a 2×4.”
My pleasure sharing Larry with the rest of the luminaries. 🙂
Barbara, I’m thoroughly convinced that stress is a major contributor that weakens the immune system and lets cancer gain a foothold. I sure am glad your husband qualifies for a purple T-shirt at the Relay for Life. As those wonderful people like to say … it’s all about MORE BIRTHDAYS.
Larry,
When I left corporate America to start my own business I set a rather lofy goal. I wanted to flee the “tyranny of the shoulds.” Too often our actions are dictated by what we should do or what is expected of us in our various roles.
What would it be like to do only the things that you wanted to do? This is not a hedonistic it’s-all-about-me approach to life, but rather a page from Gandhi’s book, “Wherever you are, be there.”
I don’t have complete calendar control, and yes, there are people who rely on me in the business, but I genuinely love what I do every day. I often say that this is not work, that I would the same things I am doing now, only not getting paid for the efoort.
Keep on truckin’, classmate!
Jim
Jim,
Totally understand escaping the tyranny of shoulds. Great way to put it. I agree–it’s not hedonistic or selfish to enjoy your work. I wish more people made the choice you did. Viva la revolution! 🙂
Jen,
Jim writes a pretty good blog himself. Google “Musings of a Spam Brother.”
Hey Tenutes! You are certainly a role model for a full and balanced life. ’75 Sir!
A moving and apt story, for sure. Thank you, Larry, for hitting on a theme that is so necessary for our society to hear. When it comes to retirement, many people simply don’t think about it–or, if they do, it’s very much as you described: Something you will do, but seem to have no control over. Taking control of our lives is the most empowering and healthy thing we can do. You are an inspiration and I’m so pleased that you are now living your dreams. Good for you! After all, isn’t that what life is all about-living?
You are absolutely right, Ted. Taking control of our lives is healthy! Conversely, letting someone else control your life is unhealthy. Just got an email that a graduate school classmate died of a heart attack today at age 57. “Life is about living!”
Larry, You are such an inspiration to everyone! I thoroughly enjoyed your article and definitely can relate to the Navy hours and demands while trying to balance career and family life! I still think of you and Ray singing songs while carpooling to DC at 5:30 a.m. and battling the rush hour to get home to be with your family for dinner.
You have always had such a positive attitude even with your health challenges! It seems to me that you did balance your life well, as you always made time for your family and friends and the important things in life.
It sounds like you and Nancy are thoroughly enjoying your “retired” lives as you so richly deserve. Ray is ready to join you….I am working on him! None of us knows what is in store for us, Carpe Diem!
Hi Kathy,
It was nice to have Ray as a wingman when it was time to fight the Beltway traffic. We both agreed that dinner with the family was a priority. After all, “it’s great to be a dad!”
Larry,
Thanks again for such a wonderful post. It’s a pleasure to share the electronic page with you.
Jen,
It was my pleasure! By the way, I absolutely love the ball and glove pic you chose to illustrate it. Perfect! You certainly do know your readers.
What an inspiring story. Thank you, Larry, for sharing; and you, Jen, for hosting.
I applaud your success at creating the life you want – with more time with loved ones and in pursuit of your personal passions. Though you berate yourself a little about taking “so long,” I know that many people wait until it’s too late and leave this plane having sacrificed all of themselves and their time, giving up whatever dreams they had. You have cleared that hurdle with flying colors and will, I’m sure, inspire others to do the same.
I have not yet done the exercise, but I’ve read several times about creating a series of nested plans: 10-yr, 5-yr, and this year. The intent is, of course, to replace that “fuzzy wouldn’t it be nice” feel with a concrete roadmap that tells you just what needs to happen to move you from Point A to Point B. I am hoping to carve out some time to work on my own multi-year vision soon. I think it’s so important to get a clear sense of where you’re going. The road that leads there might twist and turn, but at least you’ll be pointed in the general direction.
Thanks again for sharing.
Jamie,
The “nested plans” drill is a good exercise. I used it at the suggestion of an instructor in a leadership class many years ago. It worked! i came pretty close to my ten-year plan (aimed at the year 2000). I don’t know why I didn’t periodically update the plans to carry it forward to retirement. it would have helped.
Don’t just hope to carve out some time. Schedule it this week! It’s a fun exercise.
Thanks, Larry. I WILL put that on my calendar – maybe Friday at the coffee shop as a treat. 🙂
Larry, I just finished my college umpiring career this past weekend. Softball has dropped down on my priority list. Now my list is topped by the woman who makes me happy and who I love so much. Volleyball is dropping down the list as well. I retired from the PO in 2002 because I wanted to do what I wanted to do when I wanted. Now I think I can finally do that. I’ve read about your ordeal and the way you’ve handled it. I admire you for how you done so and I look forward to see you again when we both have the time. All the best to you.
Ebbz,
Congratulations on reaching the goal and keeping your priorities straight! Good luck, my friend.
Larry
This is such an amazing story. I’m 23 and reading about your life has inspired me to make sure I keep balance in my own life.
Admittedly, this is something I currently struggle with. Im finding I spend too much time working and not enough enjoying life.
Your story will always be a reminder to me to enjoy life and not take things for granted.
I thank you for that.
Brandon,
It will be a life-long battle to find and keep the healthy balance as your personal situation changes over the years. But it is worth the effort to make it happen!
Great insights Larry. I’m a cancer survivor as well, and that tends to add some perspective to life. Sounds like you’ve made some great choices with your life and I’m thankful for the sharing you’ve done to help others.
As Lance Armstrong said in “It’s Not About the Bike,” we are the lucky ones. We’ve gone through the first shocking thought (I’m going to die) and made it out the other side. Now it’s up to us to make good decisions and give something back.
First off, Larry, thank you for your service. It means alot to me!
I really appreciate your insight and wisdom…I hope I can soak it all up! I especially appreciated that you answered the “why did it take me so long?” question at the end, because that’s what I was asking at that point in your post. It really gave me great understanding into my own debilitating tendencies, and a great sense of exuberance that I don’t have to wait for life!
Really hope you’ll guest post often! (Or even start one of your own…hint, hint!) 🙂
You’re welcome, Steve! If I can inspire a sense of exuberance, I’ve had a very successful week! You found the key … there’s no need to wait.
You know, Steve, one of the reasons I asked Larry to submit was because he admitted to an interest in writing. I definitely think we should encourage him, either here or starting one of his own. So I second that motion!
Yes, larry thank you for serving our country. Wonderful story and thank you for sharing. We do have to keep a balance in life. Work and no play makes for a dull boy. People are working long hours for that American dream, but what they forget “that dream can be in your own back yard.”
Thanks again and have a wonderful day. Blessing to you.
“Finding the dream in your own backyard”
That would be a good title.
Thanks for sharing your story and your insight. The idea of prioritizing what’s important to us in our own LIFE, versus focusing on prioritizing the myriad tasks that exist in any facet of our lives is great! And it struck a chord with me. I think I’ve kept my priorities in that same “fuzzy world of “wouldn’t be nice …?”” and well, it stays fuzzy. Thanks for the reminder that there are other choices and that finding balance and contentment NOW is a completely reachable goal.
There are other choices, Deb. Balance and contentment are priorities that can be reached … or at least reached for … NOW
Wonderful story, Larry! I marvel at the fact that your health hardships came near the end of your story, and almost as an after-thought. I imagine the discipline and tenacity you gained from so many years in the Navy contributed??
Well, thank you for sharing your regrets about not having a more clear plan of action when it came to mapping your retirement. Although mine is years away (ugh!), I will take your lesson with me.
I agree with Cherry, our society places far too much emphasis on working like a dog, and less on exacting life’s pleasures.
When you discussed how leaving the office on-time helped advance your career, I couldn’t help but think that having that boundary, showed that you had your priorities figured out. Many people probably wished they “could” do the same.
Glad you’re enjoying your well-deserved retirement and hopefully putting your plan of action on making the most of it:).
Hi Linda,
You are right. At my Navy retirement, my 30-year long health record was about an inch thick. In the ten years since, I’ve filled two volumes.
Suddenly Jamie (above) mentioned an exercise in “nested plans.” Since you are years from retirement, I would suggest that might work out well for you. You have your retirement goals. To reach them, decide where you want to be in ten years. Then see what you have to do in five years to reach the 10-year state. Finally, give yourself a plan of action for the next year that will get you going in the right direction. Good luck!
Thanks for an inspirational post, Larry. You are the second person this week I’ve found out about who is living a meaningful and full life despite amputation. The other person was Bethany Hamilton, currently a pro-surfer, who was profiled in the movie Soul Surfer. Although her shark bite and amputation was not a desired fate, she ended up better off because the event and resulting support she received gave her the opportunity to be a spokesperson on a national level. Her faith and relationships with family were deepened. I’m not sure if your cancer and amputations contributed to your revising priorities and deepening relationships, but I’m guessing it may have. Kudos on your bravery and on making your own and family’s happiness a priority after working so hard for years.
Melanie,
Fighting cancer and adapting to a life with a prosthetic limb most certainly changed my outlook on life and relationships. I never set out to inspire people, but if I can, I welcome the opportunity.
Thank you for sharing your story! It is true that we need to retire sooner or later, and it’s just a matter of WHEN. There will definitely be challenges along the way, but it’s better to be proactive rather than to plainly wait for what’s going to happen next in our lives. I admire your courage to be able to go through all these. More power and God bless you!
Thank you Joyce. The biggest lesson for me is that while we cannot control the events that happen to us, we have 100% control of how we react to them. The saying has been around for millenia … “CARPE DIEM!”
Dear Larry, sorry to hear about the cancer and the leg. I’m glad that you sound chipper and that you’re motivating others. I hope you continue doing so. For the time that I knew you, I can’t recall you ever being uncheerful. You should consider taking pen in hand and putting your lifetime of priorities in a book. Looking in your rearview mirror, your story could be a boon to others. Wishing you continued health and happiness. v/r bob harrod
P.S. Have you read Count Belisarius by Robert Graves? There’s a story about dealing with adversity.
Hi Bob,
I did finish a memoir titled Sea Stories: A Virtual Wastebasket of Random Memories. Email me at [email protected] for details.
Larry
Larry, how can I purchase your book sea stories
Hi Brad,
Email me at [email protected] and I’ll give you all the details.
Larry
Hey Larry, can you send address for me to another copy of the sea stories book? My wife’s step father is very ill and a military history buff; when I mentioned you wrote a book has asked me to have a copy sent to him. Will mail funds and his address, his name is Jack Zirlinden, he is in Iowa. Tell Nancy I said Hi. Keep fighting the good fight.
Hi Shipmate!
I sent you a Facebook message. Send me your new email to [email protected].
Larry