I Spent 3 Weeks Business Planning and Ended Up with a Strategy For A Better Life
If I knew of a way to stop telling myself lies, I would.
A couple of CIA agents wrote a book called Spy the Lie, where they reveal the “tells” people give when lying. For example, if someone pauses to answer a question they should easily and immediately know the answer to, they’re probably lying.
As a mother, I already knew this.
If I ask my daughter if she ate five servings of fruits and vegetables last Thursday, she’ll understandably pause before answering. That’s a hard thing to remember. But if I ask if she brushed her teeth this morning and she pauses, she’s probably lying. (She’ll usually do a hard swallow too, another big tell. Poor kid.)
But those kinds of “tells” are useless when evaluating your own internal voices.
For example, sometimes I get caught up thinking about how to create a six-figure business. I spent a week strategizing what products I could offer and dreaming up creative marketing ideas. I got really specific, running numbers for different scenarios, re-evaluating based on my known optimistic tendencies, etc.
It was a lot of work, but it was fun work. Until I realized what having a six-figure business would really mean.
It would mean, at least for the foreseeable future, I wouldn’t have time to write my (freaking) book. Then I started to question whether or not I really wanted to write a book.
You only need one little crack in your thinking before the whole thing falls apart.
Many days later, I had a whole list of epiphanies:
- I care a lot more about influence and impact than money, but I’d been using money as a substitute.
- I was being driven by the fear that people would see me as a failure as an entrepreneur if I didn’t hit the 6-figure revenue mark.
- At heart, I am a ideator, writer, and coach, not a marketer. I can do the latter, but it doesn’t light me up. And compared to those who are at the 6-figure mark and higher, I’m not that good at it.
- Even though I know it’s ridiculous, I am completely and utterly scared my book won’t measure up, mostly to my own crazy expectations.
At this point, I wondered if my entire self-concept was going to unravel. How could there be so many lies in one person’s head? How many more could there be?
That’s when I stopped talking and started drawing.
I had filled pages and pages of a notebook with thoughts, ideas, expletives, lists, questions, and what I thought might be answers.
But it wasn’t until I challenged myself to draw my ideal life that things got really clear, really fast.
What does your ideal life look like?
Maybe lies haven’t figured out a way to infiltrate our pictures. Maybe stick figures are immune to those crazy voices in our heads.
Regardless, I feel a sense of peace every time I look at this page in my notebook (and I look at it often). It’s not as good as having a personal definition of success by a long shot, but it gets the job done in 5 minutes or less.
It reminds me how easy it is to overcomplicate happiness.
I don’t want to suggest that you do this exercise and you’ll never have another doubt about what to do with your life again.
One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves is that clarity is a permanent object, that once you have it, you never have to go looking for it again.
Even still, what this quick set of drawings was able to accomplish for me was surprising. I saw what I should do with my life right now. As in today. And probably for several months after that. If it’s not obvious, creating a six-figure business is nowhere in that picture.
I know the lies will creep back in at some point. And like a gullible friend, I’ll probably fall for most of them again.
One of the lies will undoubtedly be something like, “You’re a coach! Aren’t you supposed to have this all figured out?”
If I’ve really made progress, I’ll laugh at myself.
Then I’ll go back to the things I love, those things that don’t require a big brain or big bank account to enjoy.
And I’ll do my best to share them.
Hi Jennifer, your post made me think of this quote by Mark Twain -> ‘I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.’ Fascinating how our minds take us off to places that aren’t real or true for us.
In relation to your comment “You’re a coach! Aren’t you supposed to have this all figured out?”….. been there done that. I know where you are coming from with that one. Beat myself up with it mnay times too. But I always try to keep in mind something my very first coach said to me over 12 years ago when I played that cruel game with myself. She said “you are human first, a coach second.” Really helps keep things like that whopper of a lie in perspective
I love that Mark Twain quote. Perhaps I should have included a picture of me becoming as quotable as Mr. Clemens. Now that would be something to be proud of!
Let me know if I can be of service–sounds like we are going through very similar life journeys right now. Hugs!
Loved your drawing – that really made it hit home for me. I am still working on my own “ideal life” and what it looks like, but I can imagine a lot of things I would NOT draw. Thank you for sharing this today!
Joan,
It’s funny you mention this idea of knowing what you would NOT draw. I think that’s where so many of us start. You know you’re making real progress when you know what you DO want to draw, and can feel good about it (not guilty or somehow ashamed). As always, it’s an iterative process. One wishes clarity and wisdom were a lightning flash, but alas… 🙂
Hi Jen,
It caught my attention the fact that the abilities of “lies” to creep in . I believe they had been by habits to the point they became your own reality. I find that by reprogramming the brain by shear repetition of new values one is able to identify when the old lies are creeping in again. This will help to bring control ultimately of ones actions.
I agree, Fidel. Values lead to habits, and simply saying that you’re changing values doesn’t mean the old habits are wiped clean (esp. if those habits are reinforced through social circles). That’s why I think the pictures are so powerful. They take values out of just words, and put them into actions. Actions drive new habits, not desires. 🙂
Note: This comment is somewhat rhetorical and does not necessarily require an answer…
As both a former NRCA and current Luminaries Club member, I sometimes feel like I am being pushed from all sides to strive toward something I don’t really want. I actually like getting up in the morning and going to work for someone else – let them worry about that dollar or that penny – I like doing a good job and getting paid for it.
The idea of going out and getting work (as an entrepreneur) does not even cross my mind – when it does, I shudder. But then I am an introvert and that makes a world of difference.
So what would MY IDEAL LIFE look like?
I would have a place, a retreat, in the mountains where I could go to recharge. I want to teach writing as communication (something that would allow scientists, engineers, and other math types to reach wider less technical audiences) at the college level, no I don’t want to be a tenured professor. (This is a goal I am working on actively).
My question is How in the heck do I get from mostly broke, working multiple jobs, with little outside of work that interests me to my ideal?
Danielle,
We can and should talk about this in more detail. But I think you need to evaluate where this pressure to do something you don’t really want is coming from. If you don’t want to start a business, absolutely don’t do it! I would never say that entrepreneurship is right for everyone. There are many ways to teach. Let’s talk about how you might be able to do that.
I LOVE this idea. If you look at it so often, why not frame it and hang it in your work space? Then you will have that as a visual reminder every time you need it – and hopefully it will hold you accountable to whether what you are pursuing is going to help you achieve that “ideal”.
I have thought about that! I think what’s holding me back from executing that idea is that it’s not “pretty.” I thought about hiring an artist to recreate it, but maybe it loses some of its power that way? So I’m waiting to see how I feel. But one way or the other, I agree having it as a visual reminder in the workspace is a good idea…for everyone! (Well, not MY ideal life, but you see where I’m going…)
Jen, I absolutely love this! Your drawing seems to bring everything down to earth. Almost in a whimsical, silly kind of way that reminds you to have fun and focus on what’s truly important. Maybe it’s my visual nature, but I think this is an excellent exercise for those who might need a “reboot”. 🙂
By the way, your note in that drawing about reforming education reminded me of this article:
http://www.uoguelph.ca/news/2014/06/young_people_need_change_goals_for_employment_prof.html
It’s frustrating that university is essentially a continuation of high school since young adults just don’t know what else to do. I wish high schools would focus more on developing career-conscious students. 🙁
Yes, this is one of my thoughts. I love helping career changers, but ultimately I’d like to give kids the skills they need to find their way and feel good about it. That doesn’t mean that they’ll get the right career on the first try, but managing expectations and having a game plan go a long way, as the article you link to suggests. Now, how do I reach those kids and their parents??
I love this post! (No surprise there.) It really is amazing how drawing can help us bypass the language part of our minds.
Also, I have to share that, when I first started drawing my ‘life strategy’, I actually forgot that I was supposed to be drawing my ideal life and just drew things as they are now. It felt so ‘familiar’ that I just drew what I knew!
But when I started drawing out my ‘ideal’ life, some delightfully unexpected items cropped up … there was a lot more ease to the process.
I agree with your words above – it is SO easy, and so tempting, for us to overcomplicate happiness. When I drew my ideal life, I was pleasantly surprised to see that it was pretty simple … and not a million miles away after all. 🙂
How fascinating that you got lost in the exercise and just drew your current life! I don’t know exactly what that “means,” Caroline, but I do think it means something! Well, it will give us more to think about, won’t it? 🙂
You’ve summed up the real takeaway. For most people, their ideal life isn’t so hard or complicated. It’s right there in front of them. Hopefully we can keep encouraging each other and lead the way through demonstration. Seems like a modern remake of a fairy tale, doesn’t it?
You are absolutely correct that clarity is not a permanent object.
I want to let you know you aren’t alone. I am in the final editing stages of a book. It has been edited seven times. It has been worked on with a professional editor. Your number 4 is exactly how I feel on it. Well if I don’t write it then I will never have to feel the emotions if it is a “failure.” I’ve given myself an end date of July to get it done.
I also understand two. It is a burden to deal with.
Oh Sebastian, thanks for sharing your struggles. 7 edits! Now, see, it seems funny when it’s not me, but yes, I can totally see how I might do the exact same thing. Delay, delay, delay. Well, okay, you’ve committed publicly to the end of July. Come back and tell us if you made it okay? Good luck to us both!
I love getting email notifications of your posts Jen. Always so real, practical and relevant.
I’m currently musing on the idea of “Critical Moments” – those points in our lives when events and situations conspire where we need to make potentially life-changing decisions/choices. We can either retreat to our habitual patterns of the past and choose what we always have chosen – or – we can choose to move forward into the land of the unknown & uncertainty and choose something profoundly different.
The thing is, if we keep choosing what we have always chosen, we keep getting what we always get. So sooner or latter we keep winding up in the same place.
I’m practicing to choose a peaceful state of mind before making such decisions. When I make decisions in a peaceful state of mind the consequences result in peace.
Sounds like this is what you just did.
Blessings
Bernard
Bernard, I feel the exact same way about your comments! 🙂
I really loved your post. My ideal life looks very similar to the one you drew on that notebook, so much so that I was going to print it out and hang it in MY office. Then I realised it wasn’t mine so I have to draw mine now. My struggle with this is always how to do it without creating that six figure business? I don’t see those as opposing alternatives. What am I doing wrong?
Alex,
Agree–the two ideas aren’t mutually exclusive. But the prioritization is important I think. If the primary goal is to create a six-figure business, that drives a certain set of tasks. If the priority is to follow that vision, that drives another set of tasks.
I suppose I should admit that I think it’s possible that in 2-3 years, I could have a six-figure business following the vision of my ideal life. It could take longer, I might be totally wrong. What’s different is that: 1) building a six-figure biz isn’t the goal, so if I don’t get there, nothing is “lost” and 2) this strategy takes a longer view while still ensuring that I’m enjoying life in the short-term. My mantra is that “success” shouldn’t involve a lot of sacrifice. Some, sure. But you shouldn’t put the life you want on hold for years in an effort to pursue some idealized version of success.
Does that make sense? I think you’re asking a really good question.
That social expectation to prove your success by earning megabucks is hard to shift but it doesn’t light my fire either. We’re pretty similar – I’m still working on my (freaking) book too!
That’s why I like having people like you in my circle of friends. So important to see there are others like us and we aren’t (completely) crazy! Let’s get those (freaking) books done, eh? 🙂
Hi Jen, glad to have found your blog and super insightful reflections from the simple act of drawing. i think I’ve definitely been doing this exercise in my head. I keep wondering why is it that society tells me to do x,y,z but in my mind, happiness comes from small things that make me happy.
Society tells us you can’t be happy without certain things. But living our values, our truth and pursuing our small joys in life can be more than all the happiness we need in life.
Also, I’ve noticed how doing the (small) things you love increases the abundance in our lives. I’m not sure if it’s money necessarily but connection, pleasure and joy.
Glad you found us too, Vishnu. 🙂
Oh dear, pausing before answering! No wonder I kept getting into trouble as a child. It’s because I was still processing their question. I discovered as an adult this can be a trait of dyslexia.
Your idea about overcomplicating happiness is a good one. It reminded me of how not knowing I could be dyslexic let me be a writer. When the prospect came up, I immediately decided: “that’s why I can’t write anything good.” It stopped me writing for 10 years. Then one day I just thought: Look, you like writing. You’ve got great ideas. People liked your writing despite all the mistakes. So just write. It makes you happy.”
Writing had only become hard because I had been given an excuse for making it hard.
I think the same happens with “lies” we tell ourselves about why we won’t, or can’t, make our dreams our actual plan.
Like your drawing btw. I do my notes like this as well. Do you like mindmaps too.
Tom, you should definitely keep at it. I know I always look forward to your comments. I’d be sorry to see you stop writing them.
To answer your question, I do like mind maps, though I probably don’t create them as often as I should.
Thanks Jen. Kind words indeed. Your posts always inspire me.
Great post, Jennifer! A nice reminder to stop and evaluate what’s really important in your life and what your personal and professional goals are. I have “squirrel” syndrome that can sometimes pull me away from what I really want for my life. Those “squirrel” moments might be filled with wonderful ideas, but aren’t necessarily the best things for me.
OMG! looking at the drawing of your ideal life I can resonate with all of the things you have drawn. I love writing/reading and I love charity, I am gonna save that image and see it everyday. This is amazing.
I have only recently discovered this blog and I feel like I know you from another life or something.
Thank you so much for doing what you do! Inspiring people.
Glad you liked the drawings. It was fun to create them and the clarity it brought helped me to feel less stressed. You really don’t have to do it all. Welcome to the community!
Great stuff, Jen. I have my doodles on a wall poster next to where I work out. It reminds me what I do all this for. I want to make a good living, but as you say, not at the expense of too many important things. There are always sacrifices, but we don’t have to go crazy about them. 😉
I think putting the pictures somewhere I can see them is the next step. I’m trying to decide if I should team up with an artist to make them pretty, or the fact that they are mine and imperfect is part of the point.